Navigating Emotional Triggers: A Journey of Healing

I know you're hurting. Breakups are one of the most difficult things to go through. It's painful because of the constant reminder of either rejection or failure. It takes self-awareness and sometimes courage. I finally became aware of my patterns and it was out of necessity that caused me to delve into the aftermath, highlighting three critical mistakes I made.

Reflecting on these missteps, I realized that many of them were rooted in childhood trauma triggers, prompting me to embark on a journey of self-awareness and emotional management.

During my therapy sessions, I opted for a Christian therapist, seeking a holistic approach to healing that aligned with my faith journey. Unlike previous therapeutic experiences where questions were asked but coping skills were lacking, this time, I was equipped with both spiritual guidance and practical tools to navigate my emotions.

Managing emotions isn't just about suppressing them; it's about understanding their origins and responding in a healthy manner. Here are the steps that I learned and continue to practice:

• STOP: You will feel the shift in your body as soon as you are triggered. Take a pause to help manage the emotion that can come if left unchecked. This prevents you from losing control and possibly damaging relationships.

• IDENTIFY: Take a step back and rewind what just happened. Was there a specific word, was it a location, was it a smell, a song? What was the source of the trigger? Identifying the source will help you do a deeper dive to find out the source. Also increasing your awareness to what triggers you.

• DESCRIBE: Recall how your body felt when you were triggered. Did you feel anxious? Did you feel nauseous? Did your heart race? Did your palms get sweaty? Can you identify the emotion you felt? By being specific and describing how you felt, this increases mindfulness. This allowed me to not let my imagination start going in a direction that can result in overthinking. Which will perpetuate the anxiety over something that isn’t real. 

• RECALL: Can you remember a time when you felt this similarly. Usually triggers are generated by a past experience, most likely a traumatic experience that happened when we were younger. Trauma doesn’t have to be something overly dramatic, but it is a time when you didn’t feel safe. Usually when we experience something as children, we don’t know how to manage what happened, but our body remembers how that situation made us feel. That gets embedded in our nervous system and when triggered, it will respond back like it did the first time it happened.

• TRUTH: What is currently happening in the present. Writing and saying the truth of the present moment brings awareness to what is real. When we’re triggered we start going through our steps to defend ourselves. I know that for me, when I was triggered, I responded with my defense mechanisms of detachment, withdrawal or anger. These are not healthy responses and are detrimental to relationships.

I discovered that triggers often stem from deep-rooted wounds, and it's essential to pause, and reflect, and journal about them. There is a mind-body connection with journaling. Allowing our thoughts to flow onto the page. This helps release some of the energy onto paper and raises self-awareness. By doing so, I began to unravel the layers of my emotional responses and gain insights into their underlying causes.

This practice helps distinguish between past traumas and present realities. I learned to separate triggering events from my current state, affirming my growth and resilience in the process.

Understanding that triggers are inevitable, I developed a personalized plan to address them. This involved taking intentional breaks, practicing mindfulness techniques, and communicating my needs to others. By doing so, I empowered myself to navigate triggering situations with grace and composure. Being vulnerable and communicating with my partner increases intimacy. This allows for accountability when future triggers happen and shortens the amount of time I stay in that state.  

As I continue on this path of healing and self-discovery, I'm reminded of the words of Jesus, who came to heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free. Through faith, reflection, and practical strategies, I'm learning to break free from being stuck in unhealthy patterns triggered by past traumas. This gives me hope of a future filled with possibilities..

In the next installment of our journey together, we'll explore attachment styles and delve deeper into understanding the dynamics of relationships. Until then, remember that you are not alone in your struggles, and there is always hope for healing and growth.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Until next time.